journals are overrated.

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 06:06:42 GMT

i'm going to copenhagen!!!!!!!

FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!

i got accepted, i am super happy. now there are a zillion things to do before i go but i love it. i love love love it.

it's weird. i was not this excited about rome at all, once i read about copenhagen i was nothing but excited. there is a reason i am going there, and not to rome. sweet.
not that i don't have love for italy. i will hopefully visit when i am over there, if not.. at some point again i will go.

also, i'm pretty pumped about going to the bahamas. i get the feeling that i am going to need some sun, family, and friends at fall break. so. hell yeah for that.

there are walls i have to build. they're for my own good. there are some things i just can't do.
i'm not perfect. i know. i make mistakes sometimes. but for the most part, things are good for me.
i don't wish unhappiness on anyone, everyone deserves happiness. i deserve happiness.
my happiness cannot be dependent upon any other individual. any other individual's happiness cannot be dependent upon me.
not every door needs to be open.

there are walls i need to break down. they inhibit me. there are things i can do if i just try.
no one is perfect. but someone can be perfectly imperfect in my eyes. not just anyone, mind you, but someone.

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 02:58:02 GMT

Dear Internet,

We used to have a great relationship, we had many good times together. I know it feels like I have been avoiding you, and you are right. Ever since we started working together, I just don't think our personal relationship has been the same. I am sure you know what I am talking about. I will always love you, with your copious amounts of readily accessible information, your endless source of hilarious material, and the way you continue to bring things into being that were previously never possible. However, I just will not be able to spend my nights and weekends with you the way I did last summer. All day I work with you, and at the end of the day I just want to leave you alone. I have seen your truly evil sides in our business partnership, and let me tell you.. it's not very pretty. I am sure that once school is back in session I will come crawling back to you, begging you to amuse me for hours on end. I think the time apart will be good for you as well. We're still friends though, I mean we even eat lunch together sometimes. It's not the end of our relationship, it's just going to be a different kind of relationship for a while. I hope you can understand.

Love always,

Tamara

Dear People on Train,

Stop putting your bag on the chair next to you in the hopes that no one will brave your evil glare to ask you to move it. It's a rush hour train out of New York, clearly, it is going to be crowded. How dare you try and take two seats to yourself when people who have worked just as hard as you (or perhaps harder) all day are standing to avoid your evil wrath. I do not fear you, but you are making an already uncomfortable situation even worse. Put your bag under your seat or in the overhead and smile at the person who asks if the seat is taken when you say "No, You can have it".

Sincerely,

Tamara

Dear Guy at Work,

Thanks for the high five today. I am still not sure why I think you are so cute. Still, you should know that I would be perfectly willing to have a little meeting in the room with all the packing materials. Perhaps we could brainstorm how to best make out without damaging any materials. I think if we move the poster tubes we should be alright.

Thanks,
Tamara

Wed, 31 May 2006 05:41:53 GMT

and i am home. for the summer.
after a spectacular time in seattle. too much good times for words. the west coast is beautiful, I really enjoyed the feel of it as well as the gorgeous views. spending time with friends is also great, you can learn so much about people by vacationing with them. I mean, who would've thought that brynne has severe road rage? brynne and her family were great hosts, and it was great to get to know them. It was sad to leave brynne though, because I won't see her for over a year. I don't think the realization has set it yet. It will next year when she's not there. on a happier note, the trip was hilarious and adventurous and everything a vacation should be. if u want to hear more about tetanus shots, missing luggage, uno mas, and sweet times in canada, ask meeee.

so my internship is going to be pretty sweet, i start next week and i am really excited. I have to say that finally having a direction, a major, an idea of the sort of field i think i want to work in is pretty good. My stereotypically free-wheeling sagittarius nature needs some sort of boundary for me to thrive, I've discovered. I don't like a lot of specific rules, but in order to be the best person I can and do the best things I need some sort of boundaries. So it's really cool to have a major (Public Communication with a minor in Psych). The company does PR and advertising for dvds, cds, and movies.. mostly on the internet.. Which sounds basically perfect for me. 3 days a week back and forth to the city will be interesting though.. and I am still looking for some way to earn money very part time.. hopefully babysitting comes through.

Back to boundaries. So I probably often say that I don't like rules. But I think I need to have some rules, if not for the simple joy I get from breaking them. With people, I need people who know how to give me boundaries, give me rules.. challenge me, essentially. Let me know where the line is, and give me a good reason not to cross it. But I also appreciate the people who let me be myself, who don't challenge everything I do... It's all about the balance, I guess. Someone who knows when to challenge me, and when to let me be. There are some people in this world who do that, and to them I am grateful. For all of my friends, I am definitely grateful... because being my friend is not always easy. Being a friend, a real friend, to anyone... is not always easy. Most of the time, it should be easy.. but there should be times, preferably few and far between..where it gets a little difficult to do. But it's worth it in the end. After two years of college (ahhh half way done with school ahhh).. I've come to realize that it's true what they say about love. You know you love someone when you can look past the things they do that drive you insane and love them in spite of- even because of- their quirks, idiosyncrasies, inadequacies.. I am happy that there are friends who love me even though I sleep through planned lunches or trips to the mall, blast music really loudly at the wrong time of the day, forget to call, mock them with no mercy, heartily discourage doing any sort of studying or homework, and tell the same stories over and over...etc. I hope my better qualities make up for all of that. If not, well- sucks to be them : )

I really really have to clean my room. It's pretty scary looking. I have to throw away so much stuff, that's the truth. I haven't actually gone through and gotten rid of things seriously for years. I tried to explain to my sister that my room is so messy because I have accumulated 19 years of stuff. She saw right through my excuse, and didn't buy it for a second.

The birds are very loud in the wee hours of the morning. What the hell are the yapping about? "I'm in a tree, You should come over!" " But I'm in a different tree. You should come over here instead!" "I came to you last time. You are so lazy." "Whatever, fine. I'll come over to your tree. But not if Bob is over there" " HEY GUYS! it's me, Bob. " "Oh shit, Fuckin Bob's coming."..

Yeah, I really need that internship to start up so that I can expel energy. I feel as though the commute and job will be pretty physically tiring and hopefully intellectually tiring as well. Not too tiring, but enough so that for at least 3 days I don't sit around during the day somewhere between lethargic and stir-crazy. I like being home though. School gets to be a very intense time and being away from it makes me appreciate it even more. Plus, that whole parents still want to take care of you sometimes thing is pretty sweet. I am one lucky gal. I also like making dinner for my family, and stuff like that. Oh, and my friends still on the island are pretty fantastical.

In short, things are well. I am still wacky, hopefully a little wiser.. and looking forward to what should be a pretty sweet summer.

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 08:09:25 GMT

here's the truth:

i am selfish sometimes. i am. i want what i want, when i want it, i make excuses for myself and for others as to why i am getting what i want.

but when people try to question my motives for friendship, or try to tie me down, or make me out to be some sort of completely selfish uncaring bitch i get extremely angry. because i don't think any of my friends can honestly say that they have ever felt like i wasn't there for them when they really needed me and called for me.

i really love the people who just get me, who accept me for the ridiculous person that i am. i really just like to be with people who i don't have to explain myself to, who don't question me. i also appreciate people who actually ask me how i am, and know me well enough to just know how i feel without me having to try to explain. i like people who make me feel better when i am around them, i like meeting someone new who seems to enjoy my company, i like to make other people laugh and smile. i appreciate the people who put up with my faults and quirks, and who call me out when i need to be called out but also let me life my life the way i want to live it.

i just want someone to want to take care of me, for once.
i just want someone to be my number one, who in turn, makes me their number one, for once.

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 02:12:54 GMT

so I could be writing a paper, or studying for a test, or doing laundry, or packing, or cleaning my room in general...

but instead.. I am going to continue watching TV and fill out a survey.

Bored..
~::.Firsts..::~
First best friend: jaime.
First car: i have yet to have a car..
First real kiss: oh goodness.. wayne's world. awkward.
First break-up: have yet to do that one.
First screen name: 'cutie' with a bunch of random numbers.
First album: just talked about this the other day... Ace of Base was my first tape, Celine Dion-Falling into You was my first CD.
First funeral: great sadie.
First pet: fish.
First piercing: my ears when i was 8.
First credit card: currently i have a debit card. no credit card.
First true love: have you met him? i haven't yet.

~::.THE LAST TIME...::~

Last cigarette: the night of the wine and cheese party i think..
Last car ride: with cassie to and from borders when i could've been studying for my midterm. haha.
Last kiss: mardi gras.. some lucky guy. what can i say..i like shiny beads.
Last good cry: wow. maybe last spring semester when we watched the notebook.
Last library book checked out: wow. over the summer..sisterhood of the traveling pants and catcher in the rye.
Last beverage drank: diet coke.
Last food consumed: chipotle burrito. <3333
Last phone call: uhhh.. brynne to see if she wanted to eat.
Last time showered: this morning. whoa, i'm clean.
Last shoes worn: my pink puma-fakeout champion sneakers
Last CD played: haha. technically the last CD i played was the kid songs CD at my babysitting job. "there were 10 in the bed and the little one said.."
Last item bought: chipotle food!
Last annoyance: the work that i STILL have to do.
Last disappointment: haha myself.
Last time wanting to die: i don't think i've ever ACTUALLY wanted to die. i do, however, often claim to be dying.
Last shirt worn: i am wearing my 'it's better in brazil' tank.
Last word you said: 'hello' to jeff in the lounge when i threw out my food garbage.
Last song you sang: 'let's hear it for the boy'
What is in your CD player?: nothing. my ipod is on shuffle, i think the last song was janet jackson.
What color socks are you wearing?: none, i was wearing white.
What Color underwear are you wearing?: lime green and white striped.
What's under your bed?: dirty laundry. luggage. god knows.
What time did you wake up today?: 11:15. had to study for my midterm, ya know.

~::.CURRENT THINGS...::~

Current music: the AI music from the tv.
Current taste: diet coke and guacamole.
Current hair: its a mess, i'm sure.
Current desktop picture: its not a picture. it's a letter from my interchangeable foes.
Current Book: last thing i read was something outta my PR book.. god i need to read for fun this break.
Current color of toenails: pink.
Current time-wasting wish: what? clearly i am already wasting time...i have no idea what this question is about.
Current hate: schoolwork.

= The Grand Beginning =

Current, exact Location: in my bed in my dorm room.
Temperature: just right, it was gorgeous today.
People around are: well next door i think brynne's sleeping.. and there's prob someone in the bathroom across the hall.
Music playing: commercialssssss.
Weather is like: it was warmer but cloudy today. i hope its sunny tomorrow.
Day: thurs
Date: march 9th
Year: 2006
Time: 8:39
Mood: wishing i could magically be home on break already..

= You =

Your most popular name is: tamara.. or tama.
Race: apparently i'm white.. but really? no one believes that.
How old are you?: 19
When were you born?: december 2 1986
Your starsign is: sagittarius
Most known qualities of this starsign: spontaneous, outgoing, hard-to-pin-down..
Can you be stereotyped?: I don't know. i mean technically, everyone is stereotyped if they are a member of a certain group. but i dont think people all look at me and think the same thing.
Describe your dress style: wow that totally depends on a lot of factors. how tired am i? how long has it been since i did laundry?... really its just me.. it might be sweatpants. it might be a t-shirt and jeans. it might be a skirt and boots.
Favourite item of clothing: the brown velour sweatsuit is pretty noteworthy. and some of my skirts are pretty sweet.
Most worn item of clothing: uhhh..my black zip up hoodie has been worn all over the place as of late.
Currently wearing: jeans,tank, jacket-y thing.
Make up wearing: none. maybe i should've put some on today.
Jewelery wearing: earrings, necklace.
Favourite item of jewellery: probably my starfish necklace.
Any distinguishing features?: umm..you tell me?
Height: 5'6"ish...
Eye colour: brown
Hair colour: brown
Hair style: all one length, long.. should i do something about this?
Hair length: long.
Scars: a couple.
Any disabilities?: neh.
Glasses/contacts? glasses!!!!
Can you drive?: yes i can, bitches.
If not, do you intend to?: I can.
Passtimes: dancing, writing, singing, going out.
You love: my friends, my family, food, television, dancing, chocolate
You hate: schoolwork!
Friends: i really enjoy them.
Online friends: dont have any.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: don't have one of those.
You as a person: i'm pretty cool?
Your words/phrases: BAD NEWS BEARS!!!!
Your phone is: all good.
Your room is: gross.
Describe your house: i miss it.
Village/town/city: DC/ KP
House number: oh ya. right.

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 07:19:27 GMT

no matter how far you think you've come, somehow you end up facing the problems that you always have.

for me, those problems are relatively insignificant, but they are still there and they're irritating. i think the sick part is that once upon a time i had the guts to say how i felt and put myself out there. but i haven't in a long time. i haven't taken emotional risks. maybe minor ones, but truthfully i never let my self give up control of my feelings i guess- like at the end of the day, it is what i do/say or don't do/say that determines how i am going to feel most of the time. and i don't really have secrets- everyone i know knows practically everything about me. and i'm very available to my friends, i think.. i mean i try to encourage them to come to me/talk to me as much as possible. but there's a hesitation to allow myself to be vulnerable that i can't get over.

everything i am thinking is not making that much sense right now, i don't know how to verbalize it.

all i know is that i should know better than what i am doing--- but i don't.

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 20:59:20 GMT

ASICS:

[Name] Tamara
[Age] 19
[Location] Washington, D.C.
[Shoe Size] 10. get yourself a paddle and sail away in my shoe.
[Parents Still Together] yeah. 20 years and everyone is still alive.
[Siblings] dan and carrie.
[Pets] Sparky the wonder dog.

FAVORITES:

[Color] ok so i used to think it was orange, but its kind of pink now.
[Number] 11
[Animal] penguins
[Drink] diet coke, diet coke + malibu, chocolate milk.
[Book] garrr.. lately, anything sedaris. i need the hilarity/chaos/poignancy.
[Flower] tiger lily.

DO YOU:

[Color Your Hair] never
[Twirl Your Hair] all the freakin time.
[Have Tattoos] no, i used to think i wanted one, but i don't think so anymore.
[Wish You Could Live Somewhere Else] i heart DC. and long island (sometimes).
[Like Cleaning] not really, when the mood strikes though, i will.
[Write In Cursive or Print] cursive, but it becomes more of an amalgamation of the two.
[Own A Cell Phone] yeah, can i live without out it? sadly, no.
[Ever Get Off The Damn Computer] yeah i do.
[Believe There Is Life On Other Planets] there must be.
[Remember Your First Crush] of course.
[Read The Newspaper] yeppers.
[Have Any Gay or Lesbian Friends] i do indeed.
[Believe In Miracles] sure.
[Do Well In School] yeah- it's kind of miraculous.
[Hate Yourself] not really. sometimes i am not pleased, but most of the time, i get along with me.
[Collect Anything] um...i don't know. i don't so much collect as accumulate.
[Have A Best Friend] i have a bunch of people that are my best or closest.
[Close Friends] yeah i do.
[Like Your Handwriting] eh, i like it. you probably wouldn't if you were trying to read it.
[Care About Looks] yeah. not as much as i could, i guess.

HAVE YOU EVER:

[Been In A Fist Fight] not really?
[Considered A Life Of Crime] all the time.
[Considered Being A Hooker] well, there have been conversations about being 'escorts', but not hookers..
[Lied To Someone] yeah, that's not very fun.
[Been In Love] no.
[Used Someone] maybe?
[Been Used] maybe?
[Kicked Someone In The Nuts] yeah.. oops.
[Held A Gun] nah. ya know who has? dick cheney.

CURRENTS:

[Current Clothing] sky blue sweatpants and pink tanktop. HOT STUFF.
[Current Mood] amused. its so pretty out. I REALLY DON'T WANNA GO TO CLASS.
[Current Smell] um, me?
[Current Taste] doublemint gum. ( i ran out of orbit)
[Current Hair] in a ponytail, oh maybe i should shower..
[Current Thing I Ought To Be Doing] haha. reading. studying. exercising.
[Current CD In Stereo] songs for a new world is in my computer (weird, reese, weird.) and i am listening to x-tina on my ipod.
[Last Book You Read] last entire book? me talk pretty one day. i've been reading from such wonderous texts as: theories of personality and social psychology.
[Last Movie You Saw] watched a lot like love last night.
[Last Thing You Ate] mac and cheese at TDR. yay for wednesdays!
[Last Person You Talked To On The Phone] hmmmm.. my daddy last night.

LOVE:

[First Crush] he lived down the street. he was cute.
[Do You Believe In Love At First Sight] nah
[Do You Believe In "The One"] maybe like.. 'the two or three'
[Too Shy To Make The First Move] well, that all depends. if i know you're into me, i'll make the move. but i have to be sure you won't punch me in the face or something.

ARE YOU :

[A Daydreamer] holy crap yeah.
[A Bitch/Asshole] yeah, and you love every second of it.
[Shy] haha. you're funny.
[Talkative] no i am quiet. i never talk, in fact, people often mistake me for a mime.
[True Blonde] can't say i am. but i'm not going to insert some stupid thing about being a brunette.

so yeah, i guess i could be doing something extremely productive right now, but i have instead chosen to fill out lj surveys and listen to music with the window open on this gorgeous day. I really really don't want to go to my 5:30 block today, i mean for serious, it's gorgeous out. maybe i will come down with an illness. yes. good idea, tamara.

this semester so far has been interesting. let's just say, it hasn't been boring. i get the feeling 2006 will be quite a year.
what's totally scary: i have to declare my major(s), etc. oh and a year from now i will be in europe. abroad. studying. living. CRAZY but awesome. madrid or rome. that's the plan.

i'm back to feeling productive, babysitting two days a week, and i walk there, which means i am getting exercise too. writing the horoscopes which are ridiculous but fun, and bhangra rehearsal starts up in a week. and then of course there's class and all that shiz.

valentine's day was pretty okay- i had my girls, wine, and chocolate. i also spent time with someone who may rank very high up on the list on most oblivious people roaming the earth today. let's just say, it might be time to bring out a neon sign.

JOHNNY TAMBOURINE IS WALKING DOWN THE STREET... i love dane cook. i do.

alright, time to wrap this up and MAYBE take a shower, which i know, sounds crazy, but believe me... not as crazy as you think.

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 06:59:48 GMT

so this year is almost over and i know i will get back to school and date all my notes '05' instead of '06' for like two weeks. that always happens to me. also, i say that i am 18, even though i've been 19 for 25 days. these are things i have done for years, i have a mental block or something. it doesn't really matter.

this christmas was a good one. i love christmas. even though i feel like since i've been in college christmas kind of sneaks up on you, whereas before this it was long anticipated and the season seemed longer. now, for me, christmas pops up a little here and there in the few weeks before it, but doesn't really show up until i step into my house for the vacation. but once i get back, it's all about christmas. i really love my family, and the more i think about them the more i need to write something about them. i mean, you can't make this stuff up, the things they say and do. well i mean i guess you could, but it wouldn't be nearly as funny.

this past semester was so long and so short at the same time. the time flies by but so much occurs in such a short period of time. maybe it's because i'm older, maybe it's because there is so much always going on. or maybe its because each day is filled with so many small tasks, meetings, moments, or encounters that by the time it is over, it seems as though it has been more than one day. i do know that since i have been home i have been sleeping a lot. and i love it. this is also do to my stupid cold. but whatever, sleep rules.

i realize i am lucky. i've been given so much in this life, i really have. and i am thankful. but i also recognize that i worked with what i was given, and that what i do with these gifts can make them more valuable or make them nonexistent. i firmly believe that there is some form of destiny or fate, but it only takes you so far. your life is what you make of it, and i think i am doing ok at making the most of what i have. this is my time to figure myself out, to help myself get where i want to be, and to enjoy an existence that is more focused on me than probably any other point in my life.

that being said, i think i will try to put a little more effort into school next semester. i think i need the reminder at the beginning of the semester of my desire to learn. the one that i get when i have new notebooks and pens and professors and books and the hope that i might be one step closer to figuring things out.

there are things i want for other people. peace of mind. i think a lot of people i know need that right now, and i wish i could give it. i want hope and opportunities and growth and acceptance and good fortune for a lot of people, they need it. i have often been in a position where i am happy, and it feels like many around me are not. and i hate that, because it's not fair. why should i be happy, when other people aren't? but i also have accepted that i alone can't make other people happy. i can help them sure, but i can't be someone's happiness, and i don't want to be someone's happiness.

what i want right now is someone to do things with. to learn and grow and experience new things with. someone to do nothing with, someone to learn all about. i love those conversations when you tell someone little stories, background random things that have contributed to who you are somehow, but aren't immediately evident. i love hearing those things from other people, especially new people. because there is something great about being with really old friends and family, people who don't need any explanations and who just know you. but there is something just as great as turning a new friend into an old one by sharing the little pieces of yourself with that person.

and at the end of the day.. i just want to have fun.

surveys are cool

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 21:47:33 GMT

1. Initials:
- TACB <-- only had to change one letter!

2. name someone with the same birthday as you:
- Britney Spears

3. where was your last kiss?
- on the roof of the berks..

4. For or against same sex marriage?
- for it!

5. are you homophobic?
- Nope

6. are you bisexual?
- nah

7. do you believe in God?
- Yes.

8. how many US states have you been to?
- a good deal of them

9. how many of the US states have you lived in?
- new york and DC!

10. have you ever lived outside the US?
- no.. (2nd semester junior year abroad will change that!)

11. name something you like physically about yourself:
- My face

12. name something non physical you like about yourself:
- the way i can laugh at myself

13. what is the current rumor traveling around about someone?
- um.. it's not a rumor if it's true : )

14. what is your dream car?
- uhhhhh is it sad that i don't really know? just A car. period. would be cool.

15. if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
- italy or spain, japan, england..anywhere

16. have you ever had someone of the opposite sex over at your house while your parents were gone?
- sure

17. how many concerts have you gone to?
- a few

18. do you download music?
- on occasion

19. how many illegal things have you done?
- hmmmm..several : )

20. where would you want to go on a first date?
- anywhere, at this point.

21. Would you date the person who posted this?
- i love you theresa but i just don't think you're what i am looking for...

22. has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
- only when practicing for someone else.

23. ever been kissed under fireworks?
- no

24. Do you like president Bush?
- he's not really one of my favorite guys, no.

25. have you ever bungee jumped?
- nope

26. have you ever white-water rafted?
- never

27. have you ever crashed a car?
- well i ran over a fence once.

28. has anyone more than 10 years older than you hit on you?
- yes..

29. have you met a real redneck?
- indeed

30. are you interested in anyone right now?
- interested in a few. seriously interested in no one.

31. what song are you listening to right now?
- in my head is 'bittersweet symphony'

32. what is your current favorite song?
- right at his very second.. 'here i go again' by whitesnake. <3 room mate <3

33. what was the last movie you watched?
- pride and prejudice

34. who was the last person that told you they loved you?
- i think it was brynne

35. where was the last place you went besides your house?
- class in mGC?

36. have you ever seriously vandalized someone elses property?
- i don't think so.

37. ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
- yeah, almost daily.

39. whats the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
- hmmm..depends from what angle i am looking..

40. what really turns you on?
- a good sense of humor. also, i guy who can dance or sing.

41. what do you usually order from starbucks?
- hot chocolate.

42. what is one of your sexual fantasies?
- do you really want to know?

44. say something totally random about yourself:
- i want to quit school and become a bum. or a hobo.

45. do you have an i-pod?
- no. but i want one.

46. has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
- no

47. do you still watch kiddy movies or tv show?
- yeah.

48. do you have braces?
- had them for like.. 5 years.

49. are you comfortable with your height?
- yeah. sometimes i wish i were a little shorter so that when i wore heels i didn't feel like a giant.

51. when do you know its love?
- good question.

52. do you speak any other languages besides English?
- hablo espanol. (un poco)

53. what kind of alcohol do you enjoy while out?
- what kind of alcohol DON'T i enjoy while out?

54. what magazines do you read?
- i read entertainment weekly or people when i am flying.

55. have you ever ridden in a limo?
- yes

56. has anyone you were close with passed away?
- yah

58. whats something that really annoys you?
- whoever is outside skateboarding or something right now making a shitload of noise.

59. whats something you really like?
- trash tv, dancing, long conversations with friends, christmas, my birthday, chocolate.

60. do you like Michael Jackson?
- his music is awesome.

61. can you dance?
- hell yeah. the dancefloor is the one place where i always feel unstoppable.

62. have you ever surfed?
- picture me surfing. yeah, that's what i thought.

63. do you know how to pump gas?
- yeah

64. do you drive?
- yes, when i am home.

65. what was the latest you have ever stayed up?
- all nighters, how i love you.

66. have you ever thought you were honestly going to die?
- two words: FOAM PARTY!

67. were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
- nope

68. have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do?
- ya

69. What do you think of the person who posted this before you?
- theresa is pretty freakin awesome. and i miss her and our great conversations so much.

back in black

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 00:02:33 GMT

i was inspired by kevin and jess' entries to once again write in this ridiculous lj.

so i am back at AU, in the full swing of things once again.. well almost full. classes are actually pretty good. i have a professor named will smith, and i love the class with him.. he's so cool. everything else seems like it will be a good time, as long spanish keeps coming back to me. total props to me for not taking spanish for TWO years and then jumping into an intermediate level spanish class.. but it's coming ok, as long as i don't tell my prof. that i am bringing a cat to her party again....

i am back in the same room i lived in last year, but have taken the window side so that people don't have to wade through my crap to get in the door, and my new roomie is excellent! i love emily dearly, and we love the real world in addition to many other mtv reality shows. the rest of the returning three southers are fabulous, it's weird because i already feel closer to certain people and have learned more about them then i did last year. also my dear friends who have moved to other places are quite fab, and new friends i am making are also quite excellent.

i have had.. oodles of fun since being back.. hookah bar (which i sooo missed), parties, late night chatting, daytime chatting, the glorious metro, free art gallery, the kennedy center, and of course clubbing.. i have gone out dancing three times in the past five days, it's been awesome. sunday night was a foam party at tequila beach. initially, we were pumped out of our minds. we got in there, somehow ended up directly under the foam machine and ended up gasping for breath and blinded by foam on all sides. after recovering, regrouping, and figuring out how to navigate the foam, it turned out to be a really good night. i danced. and danced. with boys, by myself, with more guys, got some action on the dance floor which felt a little whore-ish but i was relatively well behaved ; ) ... it was seriously one of the most insane things i have ever witnessed or been a part of. i lost my flip flops somewhere in the foam, i felt one of them break and just gave up on the other one...i was kind of busy at the time ..tee hee.. we walked for a few blocks to try to get rid of the foam, in which we were totally covered. i have never felt so gross in my life as i did upon returning to campus soaked and slimy with foam. the night will live in infamy...

so i may have chosen a major. i might be public comm/psych major. i think it will suit me. we'll see how it goes.

i am now writing silly horoscopes for the eagle, the campus newspaper..as well as reviews of shows and stuff. so hopefully it will continue and i will write funny things and see things for free : )

i love my friends, here and at home, or wherever they may be. i have realized lately i enjoy experiencing events with people, revelling in their joy, trying to soften their sadness, and learning from them every chance i get. i miss my family, and the phonecalls i recieve that reassure me that they are in fact as crazy as ever are somehow very comforting.

i am addicted to boys. guys. men. males. however you wanna say it, it's an illness i am willing to bear. <3

must go read a book now. and by read i mean skim the rest because it's quite repetitive.

surveys are cool

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 07:54:51 GMT

Full Name: tamara ann cecilia brown
Born on What Day of the Week: monday or tuesday, i forget.
Chore You Hate: cleaning my room.
Dad's Name: randall.. or randy, as he is known.
Essential Make-Up Item: lip gloss/balm.
Favorite Actor/Actress: i like a lot of them.
Gold or Silver: white gold or silver.
Hometown: kings park
Instruments You Play: i can try?
Job Title: Student. former target team member.
Living arrangements: the rents and sibs for three more days. then back to the dorm with ROOMIE OF THE FUTURE.
Mom's name: victoria..vicky.
Number of socks you own: A LOT. probably an odd number.
Overnight hospital stays: 3
Phobia: i'm not really a phobic person.
Quote you like: don't get me started.
Siblings: dan and carrie
Time you woke up today: 7 to take dad to the train, then slept til 1230
Vicious thing you've done: me? vicious? never...
Your Favorite Season: fall
Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius.

*****
How many pairs of shoes do you own? a lot. i like shoes.
Who do you blame for your mood today? myself?
Have you ever seen a dead body? yeah
What should we do with all the stupid people? execute or sterilize them.
Do you watch the local news? on occasion.
How Big is your bed? twin. clearly not big enough.
*****
Current Clothing: white tank top and orange pj pants
Current Mood: bored
Current Taste: nothinggg
Current Hair: curly and up
Current Annoyance: wanting to be at school but not wanting to pack
Current Smell: gatorade
Current thing you should be doing instead of this Survey: sleeping
Current Jewelry: earrings
Current Favorite Celeb: whoever has done something really stupid recently..
Current Music: if i say to you tomorrow... (<3 led zep <3)
Current Wish: uh can't say. won't come true.
Current Regret: forget regret..
Current Desktop Picture: the puppy on the family comp.
Current Disappointment: how lame my life is lately.
Current IM/Person you are talking To: no one.
Current Avoidance: um..no one/nothing right now.. i guess cleaning my room.
Current Things on your Wall: a cork/dry erase board.
Current Favorite Movie: nothing right now.
*****
How Many...

Places have you lived In? DC and LI
Countries have you been to? italy, france, spain, and of course, us.
Languages can you speak fluently? just english. hopefully one day spanish.
Shows have you been to this month? the lion king
Friends would you call close? a bunch.
****
Piercings = ears. 2 holes.
Tattoos = none
Height= 5'6 ish
Shoe size = 10
Hair color = brown

Last:
Movie you rented = i personally have not rented a movie in a long while.
Movie you bought= from justin to kelly? best 3 bucks i've ever spent.
CD you bought/burned = janis joplin 18 essential songs

Do:
You Wish you could live Somewhere else = will be somewhere else in three days : )
You think about Suicide = not really.
You want more Piercings = maybe? my nose? what do you think?
You like cleaning = sometimes. i know you're laughing. but sometimes i like to clean. rarely.
You like roller coasters = LOVE them.
You write cursive or print = mostly cursive, if i start in print i end up writing in cursive.

For or Against:
Suicide = against.
Killing People = against.
Teenage Smoking = do what you want. it's kind of gross though.
Driving Drunk = very against.
Gay/Lesbian relationships= totally for. everyone deserves happiness.
Soap Operas = why not?
*****
What time is it now? 3:43
Apples or Bananas? apples
Blue or Red? red
Walmart or Target? target!
Spring or Fall? Fall
What are you gonna do after you finish this? sleep.

What:
Shampoo do you use = whatever is in the shower.
Shoes do you wear = depends.
Are you scared of = uh....

Favorite:
5 letter word: humor.
Color: orange. pink. green.

Person who last:
Slept in your bed: me..
Slept With You: josh?
Saw you cry: my girls at school when we all watched the notebook.
Yelled at you: my dad talked to me sternly on the phone?
Sent you an email: ali!

Last:
Last noise you heard? the radio
Last smell you sniffed? nothing
Last time you went out of state? VA beach trip with my ladies.
Book you read? the sisterhood of the traveling pants...

Friendship/Love:
Do you believe in love at first sight? not really.
Do you want children one day & if so, how many? 2 or 3
Most important thing to you in a friendship is? humor, understanding, honesty.

Other Info:
Criminal record? none.
Pets? sparky.
What makes you happy? being with friends, laughjng, making other people laugh, dancing, singing..

Have You Ever:
Cried over a girl = sure.
Cried over a boy = of course.
Lied to someone= yes. haven't we all?
Been in a fist fight = not really.
Eaten a bug = can't say i have.
Kept a secret from everyone: i don't really have my own secrets, i tend to tell people everything.. i have kept other people's secrets.
Cried During a movie: yeah
Planned your week based on the TV Guide: yeah, kinda. oh, tv.
Wished you were the opposite sex: once or twice.
Thought you were going to die: nop[e
Wanted to Run away: yes, this summer...lol
Flunked a grade: nope
Ran away: nah
Skipped a grade: no
Moved: when i was like..2
Attempted to commit suicide: no
Thought about it: no
Been arrested: no
Gotten drunk: yes
Been in Love: no
Smoked: yes
Drank: yes
Been suspended: no
Cheated On A Test: yes
Cheated On A Boy/Girlfriend: no
Been In The Hospital: yes
Fell asleep in the bath: no
Gone to Church: yes
Been on a hike: yes
Been to camp: yes
Gone a week w/out shaving: probably at some point.
Didn't wash your hair for a week: no
Broken something valuable: yeah
Been in a tornado: no.
Knew you were in love: nope
Streaked in the streets: no
Been Skinny-dipping: sadly, no.
Screamed at someone for no reason: yes
Been in a fight: yes
Been hurt by someone you loved: yeah
Been attacked: yeah
Stayed on the phone for over 3 hours: sure

maybe i can sleep now.

stolen from theresa

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 07:20:12 GMT

1. ONE WISH?
uhhhh...aren't i not supposed to say it out loud...

2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
despite the fact that i often threaten to fight people, punch or kick them IN THE FACE,etc. .. i really am a softie, a lover.

3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
um... not achieving the things i am capable of.

4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
not a maniac, persay.. but i put together my fair share of lego creations. in fact, if you put one of those sets in front of me right now, i would put it together.

5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?
it's really lame but some of it is just so trashy i can't stop watching. the other day i watched like three episodes of 'my super sweet 16'... i just couldn't stop. who doesn't like watching a 16 yr old girl cry because she didn't get her brand new range rover on her actual birthday....she got it a few days later...

6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
yeah i do

7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
that's what they say.

8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
not forever. i mean so far i have managed. but i think i should change it up soon.

9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
black n gray.

10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
yes, yes i do. and i don't care if you can hear me in the boy's bathroom. i especially like having sing alongs in the shower.

11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
no. should i?

12. ANY SECRET TALENTS?
um. i'm pretty sure i have pushed all my talents to the forefront.

13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
uhh i'm gunna go with somewhere European..it's what all the cool kids are doing.

14. Is Jay Leno Funny?
sometimes.

15. CAN YOU SWIM?
yes. frankly, i am not a great swimmer. DO NOT FLOAT ABOVE ME WHEN I AM DYING IN THE ABYSS.

16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?
nooo.

17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
i do. i mean, i don't really think about it much. but when i do.. i think.. hey, we should keep on top of that.

18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP?
one..two..three.

19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
ok i tried, and i got to X and then my brain gave up.

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
yes. by now planes and i are dear pals.

21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
no i am not.

22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENERS?
electric. though once my mom decided that we would have to manually sharpen our pencils for a bout a year. she bought a million of those little silver ones.

23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
uh.. i just don't get it? unless it's for survival... but i think that's because of where i'm from.

24. IS THERE MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
i hope so.

25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
yeah, i do.

26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
amoxicillin. that really fun bubblegum pink antibiotic.

27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?
uh, probably yesterday?

28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
no.

29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
i haven't been to one in a while. i probably tear a little bit.

30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
scrambledddd.

31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
some of them.

32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
there's a sock disco where they all go to dance and revel in their freedom from the opression of their former lives.

33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
3:07 am

34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
tammy, tama, tam, tams, T, the list goes on.

35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
some of it. some of it is just good.

36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
when i drove home from work : )

37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
showers.

38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
in a way.

39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
sure

40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
i was when i was little.

41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
orbit gum, diet coke, trashy television and movies, music, AIM, chocolate...

42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER
creamy

43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
yes, i do have that power.

44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
nope

45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
twice

46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
hugs not drugs?...

47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
i can be.

48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
brown.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
it's pretty good.

51. LIQUOR OR BEER?
liquor, then beer.

52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
sometimes i think i might be.

53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
just recently i did, when i realized i had never read it.

54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
i play a mean cowbell.

55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
no.

56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
hey you, picture me..snowboarding. yeah, that's what i thought.

57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
i have never really been. you should take me.

58. DO YOU SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?
yes, yes i do.

59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
sure i do.

60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
sometimes.

61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
sometimes it's the best solution. but i really hope not in my case.

62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
yeah, kinda.

63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
not TOO many.

64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
no.

65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
pizza.

66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
i do sometimes.

67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
yeppers.

68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING COMMERCIAL?
there are many.

69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
on occasion.

70. DO YOU SNORE?
nope.

71. FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?
fat bottomed girls- queen

stolen from the lewand-meister

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 04:41:37 GMT

25 Questions You'd Never Think to Ask.

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?
- my eyebrows, and to see if i have anything on my face.

2. How much cash do you have on you?
- approx $ 32.47

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
- pest

4. Favorite plant?
- the halloween pumpkin plant that my sister has kept alive and is sitting on my kitchen counter

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
- ali

6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?
- the love shack..

7. What shirt are you wearing?
- at white wife beater. CLASSY, i know.

8. Do you "label" yourself?
- sure i do. sometimes figuratively, and sometimes literally.

9. Name brand of your shoes currently wearing?
- AintGotNoShoez. (barefoot, gangsta style)

10. Bright or Dark Room?
- haha.. rather dim

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
- billy's filled with creamy nougat. he's also pretty damn sweet.

12. Ever "spilled the beans"?
- yeahhh... if you neglect to say 'don't tell anyone'...well, someone will get told.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
- haha.. taking pictures of my cousin and her imaginary friends...

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say?
- "i feel the same way about heat as i do about rain" ( yet another variation on the classic... WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY?)

15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?
- no

16.What's a saying that you say a lot?
- "well, i have a gift", "word", "pretty damn sweet"

17. Who told you they loved you last?
- my grandma or my aunt.

18. Last furry thing you touched?
- the sweet cheetah belt at target.

19. How many hours a week do you work?
- 20-22.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
- 0

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
- 18 has been good. also, probably 4. 4 is awesome.

22. Your worst enemy?
- my conscience? my lack of motivation? time?

23. What is your current desk top picture?
- its the family comp. it's a tasteful photo of a puppy in a field. my laptop still has lemurs, though.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
- "tama's so hungryyyy.. tama's so tired" in a sing song voice.. to myself...

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to erase all of your regrets, what would you choose?
- i try not to regret anything.. if something happened, there was a reason.. so.. a million dollars. i don't like the term 'bucks'.

ummm i can't wait for AU.
i drove a lot.
A LOT.
i need to write. because i have so many thoughts.
it was a good target day today.
sleepy sleep sleep

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 05:07:15 GMT

when i am home, i sleep a lot and thus have many dreams. last night's dream involved a guy i hung out with all of once, literally, once. the night i got thrown out of guapo's i ended up on the bus by myself, ran into someone i knew, and ended up in his friend's room having a drink. so that friend was in my dream, he had a website, and he was posting embarassing and revealing pictures of me. i was not sure how he got them, and he was giving them derrogatory captions. i was very frustrated and sad. what did he think he was doing? somehow i found a way to combat the situation. but it was still very bizarre.

one of my many random dreams was to be a back up singer for some famous singer. now you may be thinking.. tamara? back up? no way, she'd never be content. but really, the back up singers always get to wear the most slammin outfits, sing sweet harmonies, have rockin choreographed movements, and the camera always pans to them at the best moments.

at work the other day i decided i want to purchase men's t-shirts and sexify them. because the men's t-shirts are cool. they say cool things..women's t shirts hardly ever say cool things. they always say something stupid. like "princess" or "angel" or "i've seen the backseat of your boyfriend's pinto (after midnight on a school night while you were babysitting)". so i just want to buy the manly shirts and bedazzle them, cut them up, and be cool.

i got new spectacles today. this is big news, being that i have had the same frames since 2001. i hope that these go over well. i like them, but it's weird. the other frames just became part of my face to me.. so wearing these is the first time in forever i look in the mirror and think.. 'i'm wearing glasses'. but they are pretty sweet. i think so.

sweet spectactles. the end.

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 07:36:53 GMT

so basically i am awaiting the beginning of a degrassi episode i have probably seen three times.

jessi's sweet sixteen was fun. i felt old, even though i am only eighteen. but it was a really good time, dancing and such. what i love about the sweet sixteen is that i discovered this year that it is a very bizarre sounding practice to people from other regions of the country, but here it's just how things go. a night of dancing with friends was something i really needed.

i am anxiously awaiting the arrival of some of my AU friends who are visiting the island. i miss them mucho, and besides.. kelly and i have top secret plans. or at least i do.

my hair currently resembles bozo the clown's coif. it's a great look. i hope to patent wigs that look the way my hair does now and convince the powers that be in the fashion world that every day should be a bad hair day. it will become the epitome of style-osity. anyone with straight hair will be ostracized. i was extremely pleased by an article in the new york post today informing the world that "jeans are on the rise". meaning that finally, after years of staring at more and more ass cracks.. it will now become fashionable to cover one's butt with the pants you are wearing, a really crazy notion. this excites me because since the advent of super low pants, i have had so many issues with buying jeans and even more issues with being forced to view the ass cracks of females everywhere i go.

i can not wait for harry potter 6. this is for many reasons.
1- i read harry potter 3-5 a few weeks ago and have been dying ever since.
2- very few things are as satisfying as becoming completely engaged in a book for hours on end.
3- i have a strong desire to be magical.
4- so many unanswered questions!
5- i may be in love with ron weasley.

i had an extremely bizarre dream the other night involving an evil mastermind who was a cross between voldemort and shredder from the ninja turtles. a stadium full of people was ushered into an underground labyrinth of rooms. along with some of my friends, i was one of these people. we were allowed to choose the room we wanted to stay in, each room had a theme. there was an irish room with shamrocks and such, a sports room, a disco room, a bouncy room.. anyway.. they were very enticing rooms to stay in, and many people could stay in each one. i am pretty sure that the mastermind was going to keep these people underground for a while and be quite nice to them, but brainwash them. i never did find out. i kind of want to know.

i have a strong dislike for people who are obsessed with their image. who do and say things for the sake of keeping up with the illusion they have created for the rest of the world. or even worse, the illusions they have created for themselves. these people come in many forms. watch out.

i really need to start writing something.

Working in retail has given me some very interesting experiences. today a woman asked me to recommend a breast pump to her. being so experienced in breast feeding, i gave her my expert opinion. i am also convinced that when no one else is looking, people go through the basics section of every part of the clothing department, tossing underwear and socks about in a joyous celebration. they tear open the packages and enjoy a lovely shower of undergarments. then they vanish just as i come upon the mess they have created, which i then must clean up. these people are my sworn enemies. for they are in alliance with those who hide somewhere, watching me fold the tables in my section and waiting for their moment to strike. as i turn my back for only a moment, they rifle through every pile of t-shirts and shorts, placing shower curtain rods or darth vader fold up chairs right on top of the clothes that are now in dissaray.

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 22:38:59 GMT

i had heard the phrase 'finding yourself in college' all my life, and not thought much of it. finding myself, what the hell? like there would be this one day where i'd stroll across an impeccably manicured quad, minding my own business..when suddenly i'd be hit by a frisbee, and the woman who had thrown it would walk up and introduce herself saying.. "hello, i'm the real YOU. you have been wandering this earth for the past 18 years under the insane assumption that you are tamara brown. however, you are merely a placebo, a place holder.. now go into the pen with the others."

so i went to college, and i have come back alive.

it was a great year. so much happened. so much could happen in the course of one day, yet the days passed so fast. i met people from all over the country in the nation's capital. they became my friends. we mercilessly mocked eachother.

things i learned:
- in tibet, there is a small mountain culture where one woman will be married two brothers.
- boys can be really sensitive.
- boys can be completely unsensitive.
- being pumped full of dayquil and then sleeping through dinner is not the proper conditions under which one should drink jungle juice.
- looking into the eyes of a stranger you are dancing with at a club will, in fact, give him the signal that of course, you would love to make out with him.
- stories about my family are apparently highly entertaining.
- from justin to kelly is the most brainless and ridiculous excuse for a movie ever. but it is magical, for it can cure all study-related ills, lends itself to an excellent drinking game, and is an 'a' worthy-topic for a paper on the death of the american film.
- wearing togas is freeing and fun.
- it is highly important to watch the time for your laundry carefully.
- locking your keys in your room will occasionally cause a problem.
- your business is everyone's business.
- singing in the shower makes for a fun group activity.
- nothing is more fun than having embarassing photos of your friends. except knowing you are the reason they are tied to a chair with their pants down in the picture that is your desktop background.
- i totally DO miss my family when i am not living with them.
- ramen should never be eaten twice in one day.
- a hot pot is a tool of power.
- skipping class to see a movie makes the movie 10 times better.
- it's impossible to stay awake in a 3:30 class on a warm day.
- first impressions are rarely 100 % correct.
- cheese and crackers comprises the ultimate snack.
- people will never cease to surprise and amaze you.
- 5am fire alarms are never fun.
- people will steal or break just about anything.
- the police blotter is undoubtedly the best part of the student newspaper.
- free food is a reason to do just about anything.
- everything and everyone changes.. and that's not a bad thing.
- a 10 page paper about penguins? for a latin american history, art, and literature class? makes perfect sense.
- don't make bets you don't want to follow through with.
- be wary of slippery muddy hills.
- flash animation is a vital part of life.
- beds are for sharing.
- don't bring it to school with you if you don't want anyone to know about it.
- no matter what, don't lose the important people from home. there are some things that only they will understand.
- i looooooooooooove. college. dc. my friends. au. anderson 3 s. roomie of the past. roomie of the future. killer klowns from outer space.

i like lists. the end.

gah

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 09:08:31 GMT

i crack my bones, and tear my clothes
and know that no one dreams the way i do
your problems are my own now
your silence, its so gold now

i fall in love with every boy that moves that way
i fall in love with every boy who's willing to stay
and it's nights like this when the morning hurts
and it's thoughts like this that lead me down
down, down to the sea

speaking like a broken record
spinning like a tired wheel
hating every single sweet word
your lips look lonely, dear
your eyes look wise and weary

i fall in love with every boy who hears my voice
i fall in love with every boy but not by choice
and they're mine for now
and they're mine for good
so i take them down
down, down to the sea

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 05:13:14 GMT

.the listner.

i just want to taste the saline of tears that stream down my face
at a constant violent speed
my heart it bleeds for you and all your troubles
all i have are these effervescent bubbles
my ear is open, all the sounds funnel in
your words paint pictures across my sprawling mind
and your heartbreaks break me, your anxieties shake me
your happiness haunts me, your travels taunt me
my smile stays, and stays, and stays
eyes are watching closely
catching every mistep, every gleam of sadness in your eyes
the box that holds the stories, locked inside my head
like books that lie untouched, unread
like songs sung in hushed tones
calm, yet chilling to the bones

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 07:39:46 GMT

1). Take your LJ username and replace each letter with the corresponding number (A=1, B=2, etc...). If your name contains numbers, you'll need to convert them to letters first before you can convert to numbers. 20 1 13 1 18 1 19 16 1 18 11 12 5

2). Add all of the numbers together to create a kind of super number. 187

3). Make a note of the first digit of this number, then add the digits of the number together. 1+8+7= 16 4). Find the post of this number in your LJ. If you don't have that many posts, add the digits together again. Keep doing so until the number is smaller than your pathetic number of posts.

5). Take the digit you noted in step 3, and count that many words into the post. bad.

6). Use the resulting word in a Google Image Search, and select a picture from the first page.

the caption under this was... "ever get the feeling something bad is about to happen?"

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 07:05:24 GMT

so i'm home for the holidays.
til the 9th.
so far is been good.
i am going to list. i like lists.

+ christmas with family
+ cool presents : )
+ getting good gifts for my family
+ crazy brown family times
- MISSIN MY AU FRIENDS!!
+ having some alone time
- having too much alone time
+ watching degrassi and other crappy tv
- being so completely unproductive
+ SEEEIN MY HOME FRIENDS
+ bagels
+ pizza
+ baking
+ cooking
+ yummy yummy food
- the weight i will probably gain because of the yummy yummy food
+ not having to worry about school work
- not having anything to do, and it bothers me
- not living with my friends
+ showering without shower shoes
- having to clean the bathroom
+ going shopping
- not as many parties
- no seeing available boys everytime i leave my room
+ not having to worry abouthow i look cuz i'm seeing available boys everytime i leave my room
- having to get a ride everywhere
+ the magic of long island

so basically, i am enjoying my break....getting a little bored here and there, and i think by the end of the week i might be ready to go back and still ahve a week to go. but so far everything is great, as long as i get to see all the friends i wanna see.

now i have to go back to crap tv.

love to all!

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 07:21:36 GMT

what to write? what to write?

its hard because i don't write regularly in here. i mean i never did. but now each day is filled with so much more going on that to try and catch up even weekly would be too much. plus i am lazy. some things never change i guess....

i'm excited for thanksgiving, i kinda wanna visit home. i mean.. i love it here, i just wanna like.. see my house and my dog and my friends and the family and eat home cooked meals. i'm sure by the time those 5 days are over i'll be like.. i need to go back to school. lol.

i love this time of year. halloween, thanksgiving, birthday, christmas. its just good times.
i'm gunna be 18. awesomeness.

the election hysteria. was really that, hysteria, here. i'm not going to make any truly political comments bcuz well, i don't have much to say. the good part of all this was that regardless of who or what they were supporting, the people i am surrounded by are so fuckin intelligent. (for the most part). like.. i love how for really the first time in my life, i can listen to other people and not have to talk.. like, i'm in a conversation and i feel ignorant or stupid at first, and its great. cuz by the end, i've learned something. its great to be around people who can intelligently discuss things, who not only know waht you're talking about, but can teach you about something you don't know. also, they always get your jokes. which is great. i hate when people don't get my jokes.

i also love talking to people from home. i talked to amy and cait today, and reese the other day.. and other people online (like billy and kevmon! and jackie! and everyone!) and its cool cuz we're still tight, and sometimes they get things no one else would get.. and its great to hear when someone is really happy, and its good to try to help them when they're not. i'm glad i'm keeping in touch..

i really should go to bed.

i'm soooo going dancing this weekend. and partying, hopefully?

anddddd i havea swiffer duster.
and should have gone to stats this morning.
and should never eat a pint of ben and jerry's for no good reason.
and should totally go for a guy to put on the board.
and totally have interesting stories to tell about this weekend, and the prior ones.

and really need some sleep.

nite all.

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 23:55:21 GMT

so someone wanted an entry. well. i will try.

its really hard to try to explain things here. i mean. how do you sum up like... almost 7 weeks of this?

i am just so happy. i have done so many things that i've never done before since i've been here. and not too many big things, its little things that i've done.

i have had such a variety of feelings, and i love it.

i've been lazy, productive, strong, weak, tired, refreshed, mean, sweet, naked, clothed, uncomfortable, comfy, interested, bored, sexy, scary, young, old, thoughtful, careless, anxious, angry, peaceful, happy, flirtatious, confident, confused, wired, not all there, in the moment, close, far, on the metro, in the movie theatre, on the street, on the mall, in a few theatres, on buses, up the stairs, down a hill, in a house, tipsy, sober, perky, distracting, sorry, in your eyes, barefoot, buttoned up, open, honest, sore, rejuvenated, lucky, doubtful, reassured, clean, dirty, quiet, loud, and the list goes on...

many stories to tell
but i have no time.
so. call me or IM me and i shall tell you.

now i apparently have to go to a thing for drama. grrr.

sheep

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 06:49:11 GMT

gah

there is so much to say right now

and i can't say it right now

so i won't

BAM

EEL PORN

Sat, 11 Sep 2004 07:42:24 GMT

college is. CRAZY.

tonight was by far one of the craziest things i have ever experienced. and i didn't even leave my floor. in fact, i experienced it all in the lounge for several hours.

the mental images..some of them are scary.

the laughter.. i havent laughed this hard or that much in god knows when.

the insanity i have now experienced.. mind boggling.

i was going to list everything, but i honestly just couldnt.
so... if u really wanna know, ask.
i will try to tell it to you.

i just had to type something.

i <3 college.

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 22:05:24 GMT

heyyyyyy so this week of college has been festive. what have i done this week?
-moved in to my dorm
-rearranged my room to look hott with my roomie
-met awesome people -made new friends
-did community in southeast DC (the ghetto-ish)
-saw the monuments at night
-went to a frat party (where they ran outta cups)
-rode the metro a lot
-became known as the floor whore
-was given a sign on my door that says '25 cents every saturday'
-came up with nicknames for people
-met lots of boys,despite the 60/40 female/male ratio
-learned the definition of 'sexiling'
-was involved with an extreme cuddling incident
-met and talked to 'goomba', our resident character.
-met people from mexico, bulgaria, poland, greece..and many other places
-became an honorary floormate of another floor
-perfected the art of college showering
-went to classes that will prove to be quite interesting
-sang random songs with kelly
-met other theatre people
-met someone who IS me. only shorter. with blonde hair.
-fell in love with my floormates
-attempted to go clubbing, but failed due to ali and i not being 18
-stole a traffic cone that is now my doorstop
-ate thai food
-stayed up til 4 am talking about sex with ppl on the floor
-woke up at 3 with a boy in my bed
-had a quasi-fall out of my loft
-rode a mechanical bull
-had beer spilled on me, but didnt drink any yet..
-did my laundry (which is not a big deal, since i always did it at home)
-missed my friends from home
-talked to all of my family members a few times
-had a boy take pictures of my underwear (to accompany the sign)
-saw the capitol steps (political song parodies) perform
-watched shrek 2, empire records, girls just wanna have fun, ferris beuller, van wilder, zooolander...
-bought a new poster
-wrote lots of messages on whiteboards
-had quite a good time

soo yeah. i love college so far!!

i miss you all . call/ write/email. if u send me things in the mail, i will be your biggest fan.

Tamara Brown
Anderson Hall # 307
American University
4400 Massachusetts Ave NW
Washington, DC 20016

and of course, call the cell!