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tamara(queen of all that glitters)

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(no subject) [Sep. 27th, 2006|02:05 am]
tamara(queen of all that glitters)
[Current Location |rooom.]
[hooked on a feelin |contemplativecontemplative]
[you'll hear me singin |"so scared of being old, i'm only good at being young."- j.m]

i'm going to copenhagen!!!!!!!

FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!

i got accepted, i am super happy. now there are a zillion things to do before i go but i love it. i love love love it.

it's weird. i was not this excited about rome at all, once i read about copenhagen i was nothing but excited. there is a reason i am going there, and not to rome. sweet.
not that i don't have love for italy. i will hopefully visit when i am over there, if not.. at some point again i will go.

also, i'm pretty pumped about going to the bahamas. i get the feeling that i am going to need some sun, family, and friends at fall break. so. hell yeah for that.



there are walls i have to build. they're for my own good. there are some things i just can't do.
i'm not perfect. i know. i make mistakes sometimes. but for the most part, things are good for me.
i don't wish unhappiness on anyone, everyone deserves happiness. i deserve happiness.
my happiness cannot be dependent upon any other individual. any other individual's happiness cannot be dependent upon me.
not every door needs to be open.

there are walls i need to break down. they inhibit me. there are things i can do if i just try.
no one is perfect. but someone can be perfectly imperfect in my eyes. not just anyone, mind you, but someone.
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(no subject) [Jun. 20th, 2006|10:58 pm]
tamara(queen of all that glitters)
[hooked on a feelin |tiredtired]
[you'll hear me singin |let's stay together- al green]

Dear Internet,

We used to have a great relationship, we had many good times together. I know it feels like I have been avoiding you, and you are right. Ever since we started working together, I just don't think our personal relationship has been the same. I am sure you know what I am talking about. I will always love you, with your copious amounts of readily accessible information, your endless source of hilarious material, and the way you continue to bring things into being that were previously never possible. However, I just will not be able to spend my nights and weekends with you the way I did last summer. All day I work with you, and at the end of the day I just want to leave you alone. I have seen your truly evil sides in our business partnership, and let me tell you.. it's not very pretty. I am sure that once school is back in session I will come crawling back to you, begging you to amuse me for hours on end. I think the time apart will be good for you as well. We're still friends though, I mean we even eat lunch together sometimes. It's not the end of our relationship, it's just going to be a different kind of relationship for a while. I hope you can understand.

Love always,

Tamara


Dear People on Train,

Stop putting your bag on the chair next to you in the hopes that no one will brave your evil glare to ask you to move it. It's a rush hour train out of New York, clearly, it is going to be crowded. How dare you try and take two seats to yourself when people who have worked just as hard as you (or perhaps harder) all day are standing to avoid your evil wrath. I do not fear you, but you are making an already uncomfortable situation even worse. Put your bag under your seat or in the overhead and smile at the person who asks if the seat is taken when you say "No, You can have it".

Sincerely,

Tamara


Dear Guy at Work,

Thanks for the high five today. I am still not sure why I think you are so cute. Still, you should know that I would be perfectly willing to have a little meeting in the room with all the packing materials. Perhaps we could brainstorm how to best make out without damaging any materials. I think if we move the poster tubes we should be alright.

Thanks,
Tamara
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(no subject) [May. 31st, 2006|01:41 am]
tamara(queen of all that glitters)
[Current Location |my room.]
[hooked on a feelin |calmcalm]
[you'll hear me singin |higher ground- RHCP]

and i am home. for the summer.
after a spectacular time in seattle. too much good times for words. the west coast is beautiful, I really enjoyed the feel of it as well as the gorgeous views. spending time with friends is also great, you can learn so much about people by vacationing with them. I mean, who would've thought that brynne has severe road rage? brynne and her family were great hosts, and it was great to get to know them. It was sad to leave brynne though, because I won't see her for over a year. I don't think the realization has set it yet. It will next year when she's not there. on a happier note, the trip was hilarious and adventurous and everything a vacation should be. if u want to hear more about tetanus shots, missing luggage, uno mas, and sweet times in canada, ask meeee.

so my internship is going to be pretty sweet, i start next week and i am really excited. I have to say that finally having a direction, a major, an idea of the sort of field i think i want to work in is pretty good. My stereotypically free-wheeling sagittarius nature needs some sort of boundary for me to thrive, I've discovered. I don't like a lot of specific rules, but in order to be the best person I can and do the best things I need some sort of boundaries. So it's really cool to have a major (Public Communication with a minor in Psych). The company does PR and advertising for dvds, cds, and movies.. mostly on the internet.. Which sounds basically perfect for me. 3 days a week back and forth to the city will be interesting though.. and I am still looking for some way to earn money very part time.. hopefully babysitting comes through.

Back to boundaries. So I probably often say that I don't like rules. But I think I need to have some rules, if not for the simple joy I get from breaking them. With people, I need people who know how to give me boundaries, give me rules.. challenge me, essentially. Let me know where the line is, and give me a good reason not to cross it. But I also appreciate the people who let me be myself, who don't challenge everything I do... It's all about the balance, I guess. Someone who knows when to challenge me, and when to let me be. There are some people in this world who do that, and to them I am grateful. For all of my friends, I am definitely grateful... because being my friend is not always easy. Being a friend, a real friend, to anyone... is not always easy. Most of the time, it should be easy.. but there should be times, preferably few and far between..where it gets a little difficult to do. But it's worth it in the end. After two years of college (ahhh half way done with school ahhh).. I've come to realize that it's true what they say about love. You know you love someone when you can look past the things they do that drive you insane and love them in spite of- even because of- their quirks, idiosyncrasies, inadequacies.. I am happy that there are friends who love me even though I sleep through planned lunches or trips to the mall, blast music really loudly at the wrong time of the day, forget to call, mock them with no mercy, heartily discourage doing any sort of studying or homework, and tell the same stories over and over...etc. I hope my better qualities make up for all of that. If not, well- sucks to be them : )

I really really have to clean my room. It's pretty scary looking. I have to throw away so much stuff, that's the truth. I haven't actually gone through and gotten rid of things seriously for years. I tried to explain to my sister that my room is so messy because I have accumulated 19 years of stuff. She saw right through my excuse, and didn't buy it for a second.

The birds are very loud in the wee hours of the morning. What the hell are the yapping about? "I'm in a tree, You should come over!" " But I'm in a different tree. You should come over here instead!" "I came to you last time. You are so lazy." "Whatever, fine. I'll come over to your tree. But not if Bob is over there" " HEY GUYS! it's me, Bob. " "Oh shit, Fuckin Bob's coming."..

Yeah, I really need that internship to start up so that I can expel energy. I feel as though the commute and job will be pretty physically tiring and hopefully intellectually tiring as well. Not too tiring, but enough so that for at least 3 days I don't sit around during the day somewhere between lethargic and stir-crazy. I like being home though. School gets to be a very intense time and being away from it makes me appreciate it even more. Plus, that whole parents still want to take care of you sometimes thing is pretty sweet. I am one lucky gal. I also like making dinner for my family, and stuff like that. Oh, and my friends still on the island are pretty fantastical.

In short, things are well. I am still wacky, hopefully a little wiser.. and looking forward to what should be a pretty sweet summer.
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(no subject) [Apr. 9th, 2006|03:20 am]
tamara(queen of all that glitters)
[hooked on a feelin |blahblah]

here's the truth:

i am selfish sometimes. i am. i want what i want, when i want it, i make excuses for myself and for others as to why i am getting what i want.

but when people try to question my motives for friendship, or try to tie me down, or make me out to be some sort of completely selfish uncaring bitch i get extremely angry. because i don't think any of my friends can honestly say that they have ever felt like i wasn't there for them when they really needed me and called for me.

i really love the people who just get me, who accept me for the ridiculous person that i am. i really just like to be with people who i don't have to explain myself to, who don't question me. i also appreciate people who actually ask me how i am, and know me well enough to just know how i feel without me having to try to explain. i like people who make me feel better when i am around them, i like meeting someone new who seems to enjoy my company, i like to make other people laugh and smile. i appreciate the people who put up with my faults and quirks, and who call me out when i need to be called out but also let me life my life the way i want to live it.

i just want someone to want to take care of me, for once.
i just want someone to be my number one, who in turn, makes me their number one, for once.
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(no subject) [Mar. 9th, 2006|09:12 pm]
tamara(queen of all that glitters)
[hooked on a feelin |amusedamused]
[you'll hear me singin |i'm watching the OC]

so I could be writing a paper, or studying for a test, or doing laundry, or packing, or cleaning my room in general...

but instead.. I am going to continue watching TV and fill out a survey.

Bored..
~::.Firsts..::~
First best friend: jaime.
First car: i have yet to have a car..
First real kiss: oh goodness.. wayne's world. awkward.
First break-up: have yet to do that one.
First screen name: 'cutie' with a bunch of random numbers.
First album: just talked about this the other day... Ace of Base was my first tape, Celine Dion-Falling into You was my first CD.
First funeral: great sadie.
First pet: fish.
First piercing: my ears when i was 8.
First credit card: currently i have a debit card. no credit card.
First true love: have you met him? i haven't yet.

~::.THE LAST TIME...::~

Last cigarette: the night of the wine and cheese party i think..
Last car ride: with cassie to and from borders when i could've been studying for my midterm. haha.
Last kiss: mardi gras.. some lucky guy. what can i say..i like shiny beads.
Last good cry: wow. maybe last spring semester when we watched the notebook.
Last library book checked out: wow. over the summer..sisterhood of the traveling pants and catcher in the rye.
Last beverage drank: diet coke.
Last food consumed: chipotle burrito. <3333
Last phone call: uhhh.. brynne to see if she wanted to eat.
Last time showered: this morning. whoa, i'm clean.
Last shoes worn: my pink puma-fakeout champion sneakers
Last CD played: haha. technically the last CD i played was the kid songs CD at my babysitting job. "there were 10 in the bed and the little one said.."
Last item bought: chipotle food!
Last annoyance: the work that i STILL have to do.
Last disappointment: haha myself.
Last time wanting to die: i don't think i've ever ACTUALLY wanted to die. i do, however, often claim to be dying.
Last shirt worn: i am wearing my 'it's better in brazil' tank.
Last word you said: 'hello' to jeff in the lounge when i threw out my food garbage.
Last song you sang: 'let's hear it for the boy'
What is in your CD player?: nothing. my ipod is on shuffle, i think the last song was janet jackson.
What color socks are you wearing?: none, i was wearing white.
What Color underwear are you wearing?: lime green and white striped.
What's under your bed?: dirty laundry. luggage. god knows.
What time did you wake up today?: 11:15. had to study for my midterm, ya know.

~::.CURRENT THINGS...::~

Current music: the AI music from the tv.
Current taste: diet coke and guacamole.
Current hair: its a mess, i'm sure.
Current desktop picture: its not a picture. it's a letter from my interchangeable foes.
Current Book: last thing i read was something outta my PR book.. god i need to read for fun this break.
Current color of toenails: pink.
Current time-wasting wish: what? clearly i am already wasting time...i have no idea what this question is about.
Current hate: schoolwork.

= The Grand Beginning =

Current, exact Location: in my bed in my dorm room.
Temperature: just right, it was gorgeous today.
People around are: well next door i think brynne's sleeping.. and there's prob someone in the bathroom across the hall.
Music playing: commercialssssss.
Weather is like: it was warmer but cloudy today. i hope its sunny tomorrow.
Day: thurs
Date: march 9th
Year: 2006
Time: 8:39
Mood: wishing i could magically be home on break already..

= You =

Your most popular name is: tamara.. or tama.
Race: apparently i'm white.. but really? no one believes that.
How old are you?: 19
When were you born?: december 2 1986
Your starsign is: sagittarius
Most known qualities of this starsign: spontaneous, outgoing, hard-to-pin-down..
Can you be stereotyped?: I don't know. i mean technically, everyone is stereotyped if they are a member of a certain group. but i dont think people all look at me and think the same thing.
Describe your dress style: wow that totally depends on a lot of factors. how tired am i? how long has it been since i did laundry?... really its just me.. it might be sweatpants. it might be a t-shirt and jeans. it might be a skirt and boots.
Favourite item of clothing: the brown velour sweatsuit is pretty noteworthy. and some of my skirts are pretty sweet.
Most worn item of clothing: uhhh..my black zip up hoodie has been worn all over the place as of late.
Currently wearing: jeans,tank, jacket-y thing.
Make up wearing: none. maybe i should've put some on today.
Jewelery wearing: earrings, necklace.
Favourite item of jewellery: probably my starfish necklace.
Any distinguishing features?: umm..you tell me?
Height: 5'6"ish...
Eye colour: brown
Hair colour: brown
Hair style: all one length, long.. should i do something about this?
Hair length: long.
Scars: a couple.
Any disabilities?: neh.
Glasses/contacts? glasses!!!!
Can you drive?: yes i can, bitches.
If not, do you intend to?: I can.
Passtimes: dancing, writing, singing, going out.
You love: my friends, my family, food, television, dancing, chocolate
You hate: schoolwork!
Friends: i really enjoy them.
Online friends: dont have any.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: don't have one of those.
You as a person: i'm pretty cool?
Your words/phrases: BAD NEWS BEARS!!!!
Your phone is: all good.
Your room is: gross.
Describe your house: i miss it.
Village/town/city: DC/ KP
House number: oh ya. right.
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(no subject) [Mar. 3rd, 2006|02:07 am]
tamara(queen of all that glitters)
[hooked on a feelin |confusedconfused]
[you'll hear me singin |nothinggg]

no matter how far you think you've come, somehow you end up facing the problems that you always have.

for me, those problems are relatively insignificant, but they are still there and they're irritating. i think the sick part is that once upon a time i had the guts to say how i felt and put myself out there. but i haven't in a long time. i haven't taken emotional risks. maybe minor ones, but truthfully i never let my self give up control of my feelings i guess- like at the end of the day, it is what i do/say or don't do/say that determines how i am going to feel most of the time. and i don't really have secrets- everyone i know knows practically everything about me. and i'm very available to my friends, i think.. i mean i try to encourage them to come to me/talk to me as much as possible. but there's a hesitation to allow myself to be vulnerable that i can't get over.

everything i am thinking is not making that much sense right now, i don't know how to verbalize it.

all i know is that i should know better than what i am doing--- but i don't.
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(no subject) [Feb. 15th, 2006|03:32 pm]
tamara(queen of all that glitters)
[hooked on a feelin |amusedamused]
[you'll hear me singin |dane cook- struck by a vehicle]

ASICS:

[Name] Tamara
[Age] 19
[Location] Washington, D.C.
[Shoe Size] 10. get yourself a paddle and sail away in my shoe.
[Parents Still Together] yeah. 20 years and everyone is still alive.
[Siblings] dan and carrie.
[Pets] Sparky the wonder dog.

FAVORITES:

[Color] ok so i used to think it was orange, but its kind of pink now.
[Number] 11
[Animal] penguins
[Drink] diet coke, diet coke + malibu, chocolate milk.
[Book] garrr.. lately, anything sedaris. i need the hilarity/chaos/poignancy.
[Flower] tiger lily.

DO YOU:

[Color Your Hair] never
[Twirl Your Hair] all the freakin time.
[Have Tattoos] no, i used to think i wanted one, but i don't think so anymore.
[Wish You Could Live Somewhere Else] i heart DC. and long island (sometimes).
[Like Cleaning] not really, when the mood strikes though, i will.
[Write In Cursive or Print] cursive, but it becomes more of an amalgamation of the two.
[Own A Cell Phone] yeah, can i live without out it? sadly, no.
[Ever Get Off The Damn Computer] yeah i do.
[Believe There Is Life On Other Planets] there must be.
[Remember Your First Crush] of course.
[Read The Newspaper] yeppers.
[Have Any Gay or Lesbian Friends] i do indeed.
[Believe In Miracles] sure.
[Do Well In School] yeah- it's kind of miraculous.
[Hate Yourself] not really. sometimes i am not pleased, but most of the time, i get along with me.
[Collect Anything] um...i don't know. i don't so much collect as accumulate.
[Have A Best Friend] i have a bunch of people that are my best or closest.
[Close Friends] yeah i do.
[Like Your Handwriting] eh, i like it. you probably wouldn't if you were trying to read it.
[Care About Looks] yeah. not as much as i could, i guess.


HAVE YOU EVER:

[Been In A Fist Fight] not really?
[Considered A Life Of Crime] all the time.
[Considered Being A Hooker] well, there have been conversations about being 'escorts', but not hookers..
[Lied To Someone] yeah, that's not very fun.
[Been In Love] no.
[Used Someone] maybe?
[Been Used] maybe?
[Kicked Someone In The Nuts] yeah.. oops.
[Held A Gun] nah. ya know who has? dick cheney.


CURRENTS:

[Current Clothing] sky blue sweatpants and pink tanktop. HOT STUFF.
[Current Mood] amused. its so pretty out. I REALLY DON'T WANNA GO TO CLASS.
[Current Smell] um, me?
[Current Taste] doublemint gum. ( i ran out of orbit)
[Current Hair] in a ponytail, oh maybe i should shower..
[Current Thing I Ought To Be Doing] haha. reading. studying. exercising.
[Current CD In Stereo] songs for a new world is in my computer (weird, reese, weird.) and i am listening to x-tina on my ipod.
[Last Book You Read] last entire book? me talk pretty one day. i've been reading from such wonderous texts as: theories of personality and social psychology.
[Last Movie You Saw] watched a lot like love last night.
[Last Thing You Ate] mac and cheese at TDR. yay for wednesdays!
[Last Person You Talked To On The Phone] hmmmm.. my daddy last night.


LOVE:

[First Crush] he lived down the street. he was cute.
[Do You Believe In Love At First Sight] nah
[Do You Believe In "The One"] maybe like.. 'the two or three'
[Too Shy To Make The First Move] well, that all depends. if i know you're into me, i'll make the move. but i have to be sure you won't punch me in the face or something.


ARE YOU :

[A Daydreamer] holy crap yeah.
[A Bitch/Asshole] yeah, and you love every second of it.
[Shy] haha. you're funny.
[Talkative] no i am quiet. i never talk, in fact, people often mistake me for a mime.
[True Blonde] can't say i am. but i'm not going to insert some stupid thing about being a brunette.




so yeah, i guess i could be doing something extremely productive right now, but i have instead chosen to fill out lj surveys and listen to music with the window open on this gorgeous day. I really really don't want to go to my 5:30 block today, i mean for serious, it's gorgeous out. maybe i will come down with an illness. yes. good idea, tamara.

this semester so far has been interesting. let's just say, it hasn't been boring. i get the feeling 2006 will be quite a year.
what's totally scary: i have to declare my major(s), etc. oh and a year from now i will be in europe. abroad. studying. living. CRAZY but awesome. madrid or rome. that's the plan.

i'm back to feeling productive, babysitting two days a week, and i walk there, which means i am getting exercise too. writing the horoscopes which are ridiculous but fun, and bhangra rehearsal starts up in a week. and then of course there's class and all that shiz.

valentine's day was pretty okay- i had my girls, wine, and chocolate. i also spent time with someone who may rank very high up on the list on most oblivious people roaming the earth today. let's just say, it might be time to bring out a neon sign.

JOHNNY TAMBOURINE IS WALKING DOWN THE STREET... i love dane cook. i do.

alright, time to wrap this up and MAYBE take a shower, which i know, sounds crazy, but believe me... not as crazy as you think.
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